What in the Actual Lump: My Current Journey with Cancer
Almost all of us have been touched by cancer in some way, shape, or form. For some of us it hits much closer to home. In my case, it’s as close as it can possibly be, it’s my personal battle with this terrible disease. This memoir series is personal in nature, but I’m sure you can empathize with the fact that this one is extra hard for me. That said, it’s real life, it’s raw, and it’s important to continue to raise awareness.
Look, life is precious, and my cancer diagnosis made me more aware of that than ever before. Some of you may know that I have had my own personal battles with depression, and that can really cloud things up for you in your brain. Being faced with a life-threatening illness really wakes you up to the desire to live. It truly made me realize what a special gift and journey the human experience is, and how I want to live it to the max.
Cancer is an up and down battle. The timeline is not linear, it is more of a scatter plot of ebbs and flows made up of highs and lows of both good news and bad. And I say this because my journey has been this way exactly. I came here today, originally to discuss my past battle with this treacherous disease, but that all changed very recently.
The New Year
As the calendar turned to a new decade just a little over a week ago, my family and I were in Orlando on New Year’s Day. Santa has just recently surprised my kids with a trip to Disney. Needless to say, we were a happy little bunch.
As we were preparing to go visit a family friend, I noticed a lump under my arm on the morning of the first. With the discovery of this lump I frantically checked the other side to find a matching one. I pressed and pressed hoping to find a match so I would know this wasn’t cancer related but I couldn’t.
I called my husband Greg in to give me an examination. He’s no doctor but his diagnosis matched mine. We had both identified a lump on my left side, the same side where I had previously had breast cancer.
“What are we going to do?”
Support and Figuring Out a Plan
We had planned an amazing family trip, with the help of Santa, and this was supposed to be a joyous time for us. We hadn’t planned to go through this again. But here’s the thing, life doesn’t care much about your plans.
Being that it’s a Holiday my options are now limited. I call my oncologist but have to leave a message for the on-call oncologist who then would return my call. This day we were planning to visit a dear friend in Orlando, so we decide to go to our friends even after discovering the lump, but my head is a swirling mess.
The rest of the day is a bit of a mixed bag honestly. I’m a wreck trying to keep it together, but with my loved ones around they manage to give me a bit of an escape. They showed me love, support, and gave me other things to focus my mind on.
The next morning it was back to the reality of my new, but familiar situation. A plan was immediately hatched for me to meet with the local oncologist and then see mine the week when I returned home on Friday. The local staff here was amazing and they were great to work with. I came in and had an ultrasound done and they discovered that my lymph node didn’t look quite right at that they wanted to do a biopsy.
After some finessing, they were pretty booked, they managed to get me scheduled for a biopsy right away. I need to emphasize again just how amazing and compassionate this staff was. Not only did they make things happen so that I could get tested, they made me feel like I matter. When you are going through something so difficult, love and compassion go a long way.
Waiting For Results
As I sit here today, awaiting the results from the biopsy and I’m feeling a wide array of emotions. I’m pissed off that this disease, who’s butt I have already kicked, may be back. I’m pissed off that I may be in another battle. But, I’m also grateful for everyone in my corner. I’m grateful for the love and support of my family and friends and the quality of care from all of the medical professionals that I have worked for.
Most importantly though, I’m hopefully defiant. I’m hopeful for a long and healthy future. I’m hopeful that I don’t have cancer, but if I do, I’m hopeful about another victory. I’m also defiant, defiant that I will not be beat. Defiant that my journey is nowhere near its end.
Tragedy and hardship can teach us a lot about life. Let my trying story be your motivation for good and kindness. Get out there today and spread both kindness and love. Give back, help someone in need, and remind someone that we are all in this together. Let this inspire you to live everyday to the fullest. Thank you for listening, let’s affect positive change in the world.
